Lamb’s Tales

From “Lamb’s Tales” by Gregor Lamb

The three o his boys hid been tae the toon in the car wae wir mither. She aalwis pat his in the back saet for safety bit this time she hid forgotten thit wan o the back doors didna close very weel. That day we hid been makkan a terrible nuisance o wirsaels in the back drivan home and she couldna git home queek enough. Gaan up the bumpy road tae wir hoose we hid a fight in the back and I pushed me peedie brither. I forgot aboot the door and I got a naafil fright whin hid swang open and me peedie brither fell oot. We aal shouted ‘Stop the car Mervyn (we’ll call him) is faan oot,’ bit she wis so mad wi his thit she didna listen. Aal we heard wis, ‘Shut up and sit doon.’ We shouted tae her again bit she ignored his.

When the car pulled up ootside wir hoose and the engine wis shut off I said, ‘Mither Mervyn’s faan oot o the car.’

‘Whit?!’ she said, ‘why did yi no tell me! Whar is he?’

We lukkid ahint and he wis lyan like a peedie bundle in the middle o the road.

‘Me mither and faither were so playsed he wisna hurt that I didna git a threshing bit I got a right fright.’

“When I wis peedie,” Mary said, “me mither and faither tuk me tae Stromness in the car. We walkid aboot so much and me legs were so peedie thit I got aafil tired and said I couldna walk aboot any more so me faither tellt me thit the car wis just roond the corner and tae go and sit in hid fur they widna be very long. And that wis whit I did – I gid and lay doon on the back saet. Bit I hidna been in the car for very long when a completely strange man got in the driver’s saet, sterted up the car and drove off doon the street. I didna ken whit wis happenan so I sat up and patted him on the shoolder. He got such a fright thit he nearly drove intae the waal.

‘Whit the devil are you doing here, peedie lass,’ he shouted.

I said, ‘Yir drivan me faither’s car!’

‘Oh no,’ he said, ‘this is me car. I think yir gotten in the wrong car!’ he said, ‘Ah’ll turn roond.’

When we got back, me mither aand faither wir standan aside wir car lukkan very worried! Everybody hid a lot o explaineen tae do!”